


Intention

by JanusOliver



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, LGBTQ Themes, also I mention cannibalism, self reflection, that’s a no no don’t do it for real, weird but honestly I’m working through some shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:33:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22551808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanusOliver/pseuds/JanusOliver
Summary: I lost my consciousness in the sixth dimension
Kudos: 1





	Intention

**Author's Note:**

> This just a bit of a self reflection piece, like the tags say I’m working through some shit. Idk what this but it’s how I feel rn. So I’m fucked, how are you?

I don’t know who I am and I don’t know where I’m going. I feel amorphous and free beyond the bounds of my own body...it’s strictures never part of me until I’m weighted down into society.

I feel neither man nor woman and sometimes not at all human in the classical sense of the term. 

I don’t understand myself and it feels like every time I sit down to learn there’s things I never knew. I’m constantly embarrassed by my own existence when I compare myself to others but alone I feel no compulsion to judge myself my metrics known to man. I wish there was a way to transport my ambivalence onto my work persona and my social persona. I feel like a chameleon shedding its skin to blend in with the crowd but never actually a part of what I’m believed to be. 

The world feels stagnant and ever changing and I’m not sure where I fit or even if I do.   
I don’t want to be a woman or a man but I don’t look like I should. I think being meat shouldn’t be this hard but I have no other evidence that it’s easy. I don’t know how to meld into someone and love another, it feels like I’m cutting parts of myself off like Cinderella’s step sisters to another’s mold. Sometimes I feel the urge, Like I could crawl inside another person or sink behind their skin, like my soul could transcend them I and I could be them. I want to feast on them and cannibalize them.

I can’t tell if I want to have sex with them or if I want to be them; to be inside and become an inextricable part of them , feeding off of them the way a parasite consumes its host. 

I want to tear into them so deeply and totally that I know every inch of their life, their joys and the pains. I want to find every golden treasure they’ve saved inside of themselves and decorate myself in all of it... to steal the part of them I need and want and hoard them like fancy treasures of long lost dragon hoards and slowly cobble myself a shell that makes everything better.


End file.
